Answering Questions

Most children are naturally curious and from an early age will ask questions. Many parents and carers find answering questions about sex difficult and embarrassing. Here are some hints and tips which can make it easier:

Check out what your child is actually asking – younger children are often looking for straight forward, factual answers and huge detail may not be required. As they get older, teenagers may ask questions which challenge your values and opinions. It is important to be sensitive to their feelings, and where you disagree, try to find a compromise. Also, if you don’t know the answer to a question, say so. But say you’ll find out and tell them later, or perhaps you could find the answer together. (see below for useful links)

Below are some questions that may be asked children and teenagers, and importantly suggestions as to how you might respond!

Q Where did I come from? (4 yr old)

A You grew inside your mummy. A baby begins to grow when an egg from Mummy and a seeds from Daddy get together.

Q Am I sexy? (7 yr old)

A You’re too young to be sexy, but you’re beautiful. Where did you hear about being sexy?

Q What does gay mean? (8 yr old)

A Well, some men want to marry or live with women, and some women want to marry and live with men. If you’re a gay man, you want to be with another man, and if you’re a gay woman, you want to be with another woman. What do you think about that?

Q What does paedophile mean? (10 yr old)

A A paedophile is a person who wants to take children’s clothes off and touch their private parts. It’s not nice and it’s against the law. If someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to then talk to someone you can trust.

Q It’s disgusting to touch yourself! (7yr old sees 3 yr old touching her genital area.)

A It’s not disgusting. It’s just something big boys and girls like you know to do in private.

Q When will I get my period/ grow breasts? (10 year old)

A Everyone develops in their own time, but probably by the time you are 16. Have you noticed any changes in your body that you want to talk about?

Q How do you stop having a baby? (11 year old)

A Well, you know how babies happen don’t you? It’s possible to stop the man’s sperm and the woman’s egg from meeting. There are a few different ways. One is a pill that a woman takes every day. Another is for a man to use a condom- a cover for his penis which catches the sperm- it’s rubbery, a bit like a balloon!

Q What does having an abortion mean? (10 year old)

A If a woman is pregnant there can be reasons why she can’t have the baby. The operation to stop her having a baby is called an abortion.

Q What’s a wet dream? Does it mean that he wet the bed (12 yr old)

A No, a wet dream is when some of a boy’s sperm is released when he’s sleeping. Wet dreams and unexpected erections are part and parcel of growing up for a boy, and aren’t anything to be ashamed or teased about.

Q What’s an STI and how do you get one (13 yr old)

A STI stands for sexually transmitted infection. These are infections which you can get or pass on by having sex. There are lots of different STIs, most of which can be cured. People can reduce the risk of getting an STI by having safer sex, which means always using a condom.

Q My boyfriend wants me to go on the pill but I don’t know if I want to. What should I do? (16 yer old)

A If you decide that you want to start having sex, the pill can be a good way to prevent pregnancy, but you also have to make sure that you also use a condom to keep yourself safe from infection. If you’re thinking of having sex, you need to feel comfortable discussing these things with your boyfriend. You might decide to wait until you’re older and that’s ok.

Q How do people know that they’re gay? (13 yr old)

A Some people know from a very young age that they are gay, others discover later in life. For people who are confused about their feelings, it can help to talk to someone who has been through the same experience. There are lots of helplines and websites that offer support .

Q Does the ‘morning after pill’ only work the day after having sex? (15 year old)

A The ‘morning after pill’ can be taken within 3 days of having unprotected sex, that’s why it’s also called ‘emergency contraception’, though it work best if you take it within 24 hrs. But it doesn’t protect against STIs, only condoms can do that. GPs, sexual health clinics, young peoples drop ins and some chemists give out emergency contraception for free.

Q All the guys in my class say that they’ve had sex. Am I the only person in the world who hasn’t? (15 yr old)

A Surveys of people you age show that only a third have ever had sex, so you’re unlikely to be the only boy in the class who is a virgin. Some people like to brag about having sex to hide the fact that they haven’t. Don’t feel pressured into having sex, especially by your mates. Ignore their questions or tell them that you don’t feel the need to tell the world about your sex life!

Leaflets giving advice about talking with your child/teenager about relationships and sexual health are available from NHS Health Scotland website (see useful website links)

Some Hints and Tips on answering questions

Make sure you understand what your child is asking you, ask them what they know – don’t assume anything!
If you need some time to think about a response, tell them that - but make sure you make time to answer the question
Just because they’re asking the questions, doesn’t mean that they are sexually active, pregnant or Gay!
Don’t hide any shock or embarrassment you may feel initially when discussing sex, explain how you feel and why, your son or daughter may feel the same
If you have values that come from your own faith or cultural background, take time with your child to exoplain the reasons fopr certain beliefs or traditional prartices

Talking with your child or teenager